A few weeks ago I was leading a Bible study with a small group of college students and were discussing when their parents gave them the dreaded birds and bees talk. Some of them said they never got the talk, some of them it was a very big deal and their parents set aside large chunks of time to give the talk, like a weekend away at a hotel and a few just had a short discussion with their parents. As the discussion moved on we wondered if the talk was really necessary? The conclusion from most of us was that it did more damage than good. Sure we need to let our children know just how procreation works but after that do we need to make a big production of it? As Christian is it is clear according to God’s Word that we are supposed to save sex for marriage and we need to let our children know that but why can’t it just be a part of more casual discussion? Why do we have to make it such and awkward thing for both child and parents.
Waiting for marriage is a harder and harder for each passing generation. Studies show that puberty comes earlier and earlier and we get married later and later. Lets do the math your child hits puberty at 12 and doesn’t get married until they are 31, we have asked them to wait 19 years in a sex saturated culture. So we need to be a sounding board, a good listener if and when they want to talk. We need to be the one who reminds them when they walk out the door on date. We need to be the one that teaches them about grace if they make a mistake, we need to remind them that we still love them and more importantly God still loves them.
Sex has so many emotions wrapped up in it, there is a really God reason God wants us to save it for marriage. That is what we need to emphasize as we talk with our kids. Waiting until marriage is not big mean rule God wrote to make us miserable, instead it is in our best interest emotionally to wait. The problem with the talk is that we can do a lot damage with how we approach it, many times we make sex out to be this terrible thing in an effort to scare the poo out of our children in hopes they will make it until they are married. The problem with that is that it can do damage to a marriage relationship, because the fear of sex carries over to the marriage and is something that our children can never get passed. God intend sex to be great within marriage. So please be sure not to scar your child for life.
The other default option is skip the talk altogether because it is awkward, never letting our kids know what God intended sex to be and the dangers exist emotionally with sex. Please make that a regular part of your conversations with your kids, it is part of your duty as a parents. Please don’t let your child find out about sex on the back of school bus. There is a happy medium between scare tactics and emotionally scarring and finding out from friends and media. I believe that is in regular dialogue. We need to help our kids navigate the many land mines that exist in our culture today without traumatizing them or ignoring it all together.